20 things I didn't know before we became a foster family PART ONE

I decided to write "20 things I didn't know before we became a foster family" because I just read another blog titled "20 things I didn't know before we adopted." For a quick update we were placed with two beautiful little girls two months ago. To protect their privacy we will call them Breezy (2 yrs old) and pumpkin ( infant). This is part ONE.

1. The initial paperwork and the waiting feel like forever. I called the Department of Children and family services in August of 2013. A really nice guy came out the next week and had a very open and honest conversation with us about what foster care entailed. During this visit he measured all of our rooms and told us potentially we could have up to 2.5 children in addition to our four children in our house. I was a little freaked out by the .5...we prayed about it and filled out the application that I didn't send in. Cold feet. I called again in January and the same really nice guy came out again to bring us another application and we officially sent it in and started our P.R.I.D.E training in February. Then we had our home study in March and waited and waited for approval. Finally in August we were approved and placed. All that waiting felt like forever. 

2. The day they call you with a placement you run out and buy everything because you have nothing. I remember getting the phone call on a hot summer day. I just picked Kaid up from junior life guards and were packed up and headed to the beach. A phone call from dccp while I was driving I pulled over to the side of the road got out of the truck and paced like a crazy woman up and down the sidewalk while the woman on the line said "We have two girls." "I know you want to adopt but would you be willing to ride the roller coaster?" Me.."yes..yes." and then tell the social worker stupidly "I'm excited!!!" And then hang up and feel stupid for saying such a stupid thing because the girls were going to expirience some serious loss (they called us before removal). Then realize you have no diapers, no toddler or baby clothes, and kind of have an oh crap moment. You then run to walmart and make your kids cry because they really wanted to go surfing and then you try to explain to them that their being selfish because these girls don't have a home because they were in a bad situation, and what would Jesus do? And you take all the kids into walmart crying and just start throwing random baby stuff in the cart because you're not really thinking. 

3.The first night the kids might not like you. We waited all day for the social worker to arrive with the girls. They finally arrived at 8:00pm that night. I remember seeing the van pull up outside our house and the two most beautiful curly headed girls pop their heads out of the van. And I gushed how adorable!! And say "hi sweetie how are you" hold out my arms and expect her to jump into them like she knows me. And that moment was crushed with a yell and a glare. These girls were just hours before taken from everything they've ever known. Their little worlds were just turned upside down. And for me to expect them to like me at first hello. Nope...not going to happen. It's not a fairy tale moment. 

4. The children may come with friends. I won't go into too many personal details here of the girls situation. We want to protect their story and them. But it is very common for children in foster care to bring "friends" with them that stick around for a bit and take a lot of doctor visits and treatments to completely clear. I will say we are friend free now. 

5. There will be lots of meltdowns and crying..children and foster parents alike. Okay I'm not going to lie. Foster care is tough. You don't know what exactly these children have been through. What they have seen or experienced in their little lives. You're not given much info to protect the rights of the birth parents. All you know of right now is the kids are grieving their loss and to process this there are lots of meltdowns and tantrums and throwing things. You have no idea what comforts this child or what she is used to. She is scared and still learning to trust these complete strangers. At the same time you don't know what to do. So when little one has a melt down all you can do is try to talk them through it and when you get no where with that you cry too. And then you lay in bed and have a melt down because you wondered why you even go into this in the first place. All these emotions are very real and expected. Please let me clarify foster care is worth it. Being in these children's lives are worth it.

6. You may want to call it quits. I read a statistic that more then half of all foster parents call it quits in the first year. Wow. I will say that there were times I wanted to pick up the phone and say I can't do this..I can't. I then had to tell myself this is not about me. This is about these little girls. And we are going to see them through. I'm not going to quit on them because Jesus never quit on me.

7. It will be one of the best things you ever do. Yes indeed it will. My whole outlook on life has changed because of these two little ones.

8. You may start loving the birth mom even when you don't want to. I'm praying and hoping for redemption. When the girls were first placed with us I selfishly wanted them to be ours. I prayed and prayed and cried for God to bring them out of their "bad" situation forever because they would have such a different life with us. And I never hear God's voice but he clearly told me one day when I was talking to him I said, "God let these be our girls." He replied, "Brittany, these are MY girls." Yes God these are YOUR girls. Just like all of our children are YOURS. And in You we place our trust that you will take care of your girls and you know their story and their future. You have already walked this road before them. We will love them while we have them and if that's forever so be it. If that's for a few months and then they go back to a restored home then so be it. After I took off my selfish thinking I stopped wanting the girls birth mom to mess up. Instead I started cheering her on. Instead I started praying for her. Praying for healing and redemption and restoration. Instead of hating her I started to love her.

9. After weeks being in your family you will see a different kid then the one who showed up the first night. When Breezy first came to us and how she is now with us is like night and day. To a scared little girl to a little girl that is starting to trust and heal and feel a sense of belonging in our family. We are growing together. 

10. Your kids will not "suffer." or feel replaced. A question often asked, "how do the boys feel about this?" They absolutely love these girls. They all try to "mother" the baby..which cracks me up. Even little Kai will come up and sweetly say, "Hi ----" to the baby. They also want to help change diapers and give her a bottle. No joke. They will be dashing helpful loving husbands and daddy's one day. I can promise you the boys do not feel miss placed or neglected one bit. In fact I even had a chat in the car one day with them about this and they gave very positive feedback. If anything it's teaching them to care more about others then just themselves. They know the girls situation and for a 9 and 7 year old to grasp that and lovingly come along side these girls and be brothers to them is amazing. They are amazing.

To be continued....

"You Can't Pursue Comfort & God's will"

Tonight during my run I was listening to yesterdays message from Revolve Church. It knocked me off my feet and convicted me in a way like no other. This was the third message in a series of four sermons called Idol factory.  So far our pastor has gone over the idol of control, the idol of approval, and the one I listened to tonight; the idol of comfort. Can we fully be obedient to God and lead fully comfortable lives? God often asks us and pushes us to step out of our comfort zones for the sake of His kingdom. Because how we can we share the gospel if we don't leave our own comfy couches in our cozy little houses..in our pajamas (comfy pajamas)? 

And how does this bring glory to God? Usually God asks us to do something so HE can work through us to show His glory and to show how big and how awesome He is. If I was so comfortable doing something I think sometimes I can get pretty prideful saying "I totally got this...I don't even need anyone's help." 
This series has made me realize that my daily life is usually all about ME. And it makes me sick to my stomach saying that. But I often go throughout the day trying to avoid as much stress and things that annoy me or make me feel uncomfortable or that are OUT. OF. MY. CONTROL. (Idol factory week 2). 

And it's making me realize that I've had this perfect little picture laid out of how our foster to adopt journey is going to be. It's quite a comfortable picture in my head. It looks something like this in Britt's world: 

We get a call for a newborn baby girl that is on the way to a fast tract adoption. She joins our family, we adopt her, life is perfect..the end.

Now I know that this happens in some cases. And if that is how our adoption story goes then awesome. But what if it doesn't? What if we fall in love with baby girl and then have to hand her over to her birth mother 12 months later? Knowing that baby girl might not be going back into a situation that we think may not be the best for her. How comfortable will I feel then handing her back into her birth mothers arms after she was our daughter for a year? Honestly I really haven't thought about how I felt about this till now. But it makes me totally stinking uncomfortable. I'm not going to like it. In fact it is probably going to wreck me to pieces to say goodbye to a child that is in our family, but I know that my God will be there to pick me back up. 

 So WHY in the world are we doing this? Why am I making myself, my kids, our family, vulnerable to potential hurt and loss?

Because these children have been through more hurt and loss then we will ever know and because God has a plan for their lives. I can't see it yet, but His plan is awesome and bigger then I can grasp. I have to be willing to get uncomfortable for the sake of His kingdom, for the least of these. Because the fact is foster care is full of hurting people. 

Not only are there hurting children going through trauma, abuse, neglect, and loss, but there are birth mothers and birth fathers who are hurting and have filled voids with drugs, abuse, neglect, and other situations which has not made it safe for their children to live with them. 

There is nothing easy, safe, in control or comfortable about this at all. I understand that not everyone is called to do this, but God has called our family to stand in the gap for these children and be their family, love them, pray over them, while we have them, and maybe have them forever. 

I titled this post a quote from the sermon...."you can't pursue comfort and God's will." Because God's will is not always what I want. God's will is that...HIS will. Not Britt's will. Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). 
I know that it's not going to be easy, but Jesus didn't say following Him was going to be. I do know..it's going to be worth it.

Idol Factory week 3: The Idol of Comfort can be listened to by clicking HERE.

Waiting

Waiting....we've been here before. Something that has become very familiar in our growing family. And quite frankly it's not my favorite thing in the world to do since patience is not one of my strongest characteristics.  Back track eight years ago to the year 2005. We waited 9 months to meet our first handsome son, Kaiden. I remember going through the pregnancy thinking when is he going to get here!? The day he was born was so beautiful. He was finally here. All that waiting, worry, and unknown went away. And then came Keegan our second...and Keane our third. The waiting for these two extended past their due dates and made this mama think they would never get here.  And again all that waiting, worry, and unknown left my mind the moment I looked into their handsome little faces.

And then came our fourth son...,8 month old baby Marc, who we are still waiting to meet one day. Baby Marc came into our lives as a precious gift from God.  I specifically remember getting the call from our caseworker giving us the good news that we were able to move forward with the process to bring him home. Running down to the park to tell my husband as we both stared at his picture.  Full cheeks, soft curls, and a little brown tank top that sported "surf competition."  For 30 days we prayed for and stared at his sweet little chubby cheeks.  I would daydream about what life would be like with this sweet baby in it. On the beach with his brothers or holding him as he fell asleep. And then as soon as he was ours he was gone. We received a phone call. Marc died from malaria.  And it's taken me a while to process his loss and come to the understanding that baby Marc was never really ours just like none of our boys are. He is God's first. And God took him home. And we have a hope and their is truth that we will get to finally meet him one day. But until then..we are still waiting.

And then came Kainoa Seraphin. We waited 12 months for Kai to come home. Which I suppose in the international adoption world is on the faster side. We received his referral on July 4th and he was forever ours on Feb 7th, 2013. The wait for Kai was hard. Really hard. We weren't sure if he was actually ever coming home.  DRC started changing adoption laws during our process. We clearly did not have money growing on trees to cover adoption fees.  And towards the end Kai's medical was unknown. There was so much waiting, worry, and unknown. And when I held him in my arms in the airport in San Juan, Puerto Rico for the first time ever I forgot how stinkin hard it was to bring him home. Every single struggle and worry left my head because I was finally holding my son.

And now here we are again. Waiting....for two little ones joining our family through adoption from foster care.  This has been a wait different then any other. As we have no idea the day, time, age, boy and a girl, two girls???? Who will join our family or for how long. If we will even be able to adopt them or if they will go back to their birth families. So MUCH unknown.  I find comfort in the fact that God knows the unknown. He's walked the path before me. He knows the exact day, time, hour, and names of these two little ones. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13 
 A friend who is going through the same process, and I, were discussing how amazing it is that God already knows the exact children that will be placed in our families. He created them and has a plan for them.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
Jeremiah 29:11
And I know that day we can finally hold you in our arms will be one happy day in the Cameron family. Until that day...we wait.

****In the next couple of months we will be finishing the last step in our process of becoming a certified foster/adoptive family and we look forward to holding two little ones in our arms this summer*****